Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
be right there i have to get my cape
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
