He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
