we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I smell stomach acid.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ikea night.
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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