gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
