Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
