Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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