Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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