New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
