That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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