Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
