We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
