I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
