maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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