I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize