well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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