Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
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You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
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most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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