well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
