i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
