I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
