My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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