Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
