Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
