I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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