please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
