are you so shy because you have an std?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
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I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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