After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
