There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
