Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
