He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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