Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
