A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
