She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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