Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
