I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
