I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.