dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no