I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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