I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo