god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
vagina is talking i cant
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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