that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
