Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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