the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
