i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
