I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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