You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
