I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
