how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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