I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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