My cat gives me a boner
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
