Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Success! We fucked roommates!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
