remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
