I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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