everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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