I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
