my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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