I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
