The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
