is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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