I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
