at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize