Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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