8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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