He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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