A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
