is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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