I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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