Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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